Team Building and Other Corporate Tortures

From the Unmuted Memoirs™ Satire Series by Kate Henry, CPA, CMA, MBA

When "Mandatory Fun" Becomes a Cry for Help

Nothing unites coworkers like forced bonding under fluorescent lights. Trust falls? Icebreaker bingo? Group improv at 9:00 a.m.? Welcome to corporate team building—where dignity goes to die.

Common Activities and Their Real Purpose

• Trust Falls: Symbolic exercises designed to physically drop your team spirit.

• Escape Rooms: Because nothing boosts morale like being locked in a room with Carl from IT shouting about clues.

• Icebreakers: “Share your most embarrassing moment” so we can use it against you during performance reviews.

• Group Cooking: Someone will cry. It might be you. It might be the pasta.

The Awkward Holiday Party

A sacred tradition of watered-down wine, awkward speeches, and elevator eye contact for months afterward. One karaoke rendition of “Living on a Prayer” and your reputation is toast.

“Fun” Isn’t Mandatory—It’s Weaponized

From personality tests to motivational speakers who peaked in 1997, team building is less about bonding and more about seeing who can fake enthusiasm the longest.

Survival Guide

• Always volunteer to be the note-taker. You’ll avoid participation.

• If someone says “Let’s break into small groups,” fake a call and disappear.

• When all else fails, compliment the organizer’s snack choices. It’s the safest thing you’ll do all day.

Final Thought

Team building doesn't build teams. It builds trauma-bonding.

And the occasional knee injury.

Unmuted Memoirs™: Committed to surviving corporate life—one “fun” activity at a time.

For funny corporate gift ideas, our eBook: Team Building and Other Forms of Corporate Torture at: https://www.unmutedmemoirs.com/product-page/team-building-other-forms-of-corporate-torture