Strategically Aligning Our Nonsense: A Buzzword Survival Guide

From the Unmuted Memoirs™ Satire Series by Kate Henry, CPA, CMA, MBA

Buzzwords: Because Actual Communication Is Too Risky

At some point in your corporate career, you’ll be invited to a meeting that promises “strategic clarity.” What you’ll get instead is a buffet of buzzwords so vague, they could double as fortune cookie filler.

Real Phrases. Real Nonsense.

• “Leverage cross-functional synergies” – Translation: Everyone’s confused, but let’s pretend we’re collaborating.

• “Circle back” – Never. We’re never circling back.

• “Scalable solution” – We built this in a panic. Please don’t ask us to explain it.

• “Let's embed innovation at scale” – We Googled that five minutes ago.

The Strategy Deck No One Reads

Every year, a 93-slide PowerPoint emerges. It includes stock photos of diverse people high-fiving, a mission statement that uses the word “impact” five times, and a pyramid graphic titled “Strategic Pillars.”

No one knows what the pillars are. But if you don’t reference Pillar 2 in your project proposal, you will be questioned by the Council of Middle Managers.

Corporate Bingo: Strategy Edition

• “Value-add” – Check

• “Low-hanging fruit” – Check

• “Quick win” – Check

• “Bandwidth” – DOUBLE BINGO

Your Strategic Mission (Should You Choose to Accept It)

1. Attend the alignment meeting.2. Say “synergy” at least twice.3. Reference the roadmap.4. Pretend you know what the roadmap is.5. Survive.

Final Thought

When in doubt, nod meaningfully, open a shared document, and say:

“Let’s build this out cross-functionally and ladder it into the larger narrative.”

They won’t question you. They’re just relieved someone said something that sounds strategic.

Unmuted Memoirs™: Translating corporate nonsense—so you don’t have to.

To understand the corporate madness, download our eBook: Strategically Aligning Our Synergies for a funny gift idea at: https://www.unmutedmemoirs.com/product-page/the-art-of-sarcasm